I am not a smart woman.
When NT and I started getting serious, we both kinda knew where this was headed. But like some weird mental blockage, I just never thought I needed to plan for this. I mean, these things happen on their own right??
Now I am not (and never was) that girl who dreamed of her wedding day since she was a child. I never had a dream dress, or a dream venue, or a dream table setting for my sweetheart table (I didn’t even know what that was until I had to make decisions about it!)
Speaking of decisions. I am tired of making them. What color, what flavor, how many, how little, how much, who, what, where, when… hooooooooooooooooow do I do this without losing myself? And why did I think working full time at a new job and wedding planning would go well together? I don’t know. I have a full week after school is done before I walk down that result-of-multiple-decisions isle, and we just signed a lease that puts the move in date DURING THAT WEEK.
So full time at a new job, moving, wedding planning, meh.
Look, I don’t stress out over stuff. I’ve jumped out of planes. By myself. With just a backpack full of nylon on my back as insurance against dying. I’ve wrangled wild horses (in the form of middle school and high school students.) I’ve endured much more stressful, time-consuming, managerial duties that had multiple moving pieces. I’ve spoken in front of hundreds of people and helped coordinate events that had hundreds of people.
But wedding planning? Did I mention I even hired a wedding planner? Seriously, guys. Real talk time. Get a wedding planner. Even if it’s a day-of planner. (They come in full, partial, and day-of varieties.) It was the most important decision I’ve made besides picking the venue. And don’t choose a friend. You want someone you can be a banshee fresh out of banshee school with and still be ok because you know, professionalism. You want to be able to blame someone if things go wrong and never have to look them in the eye and harbor ill-will and resentment because your bridezilla dream from when you were 10 didn’t come through as planned because she couldn’t find those white elephants that didn’t poop. I don’t have dreams like that but when poor Jacklyn doesn’t reply to my harried texts within TWO POINT FIVE seconds I start palpitating.
Wedding planning is not the most difficult thing I’ve had to do. But it is far more stressful than I thought it was going to be, even with a wedding planner by my side, and a fiance who is really spectacular. When I am freaking out, he redirects me to thoughts of beautiful Maine coons (anyone have one we can adopt?) and miniature schnauzers (my favorite breed of dog) and mews and boofs in my ear until my heart rate goes down to something that doesn’t sound like Rimsky-Korsakov’s Flight of the Bumblebee.
Yes, I embedded the soundtrack of my last few weeks for ya’lls enjoyment.
I am reminded that this event, contrary to what everyone keeps saying, is NOT just about ME, or US, but about bringing friends together and having a good time together. It does not have to be perfect, and people will not remember if I forgot to add goofy spectacles to the selfie station. It is about being married, being together, and celebrating a union that extends far beyond a few hours in June.
As is life. Life is more than a few hours. The hours I’ve stressed about things in have long passed, and I’ve made it through events I never thought I would live through unscathed. I might have scars, but they are beautiful too.
And as I said, running theme: my friends keep me sane. So grateful for the lot of them, particularly L, who has been throwing herself into “indiscriminate and reckless helping” amid her own son graduating middle school! And friends who say they will help me do my hair. And try on my wedding gown. And haul flowers so I don’t have to pay them to deliver. And do some amazing calligraphy. And so much more. This is what makes it worth it. Feeling that love because of the servitude of my wonderful friends to whom I am indebted!
Next Up: my Wedding Dress from China