It’s a humid Tuesday, two days after my seniors have graduated, two days after the Juniors have hooted their way into the upper echelon of high school existence, and a half day before the last of post-session meetings upon which I’ll be finished here. And what now? Instead of packing up and ready to come back fresh for next year, I’m shoving things into cabinets and drawers and stacking piles on bookshelves. My mind is ready to tie up this school year so much so that I’d rather face it next year than reconcile it now.
Being a teacher is odd. My yearly routine is a little skewed. For example, someone asked me recently if I was voting this year and I got confused. My year begins in August and ends at the beginning of June, which means anything after that counts are next year. And what of July, you ask? The months of June and July are halcyon days meant for planless, restful moments with those I love. Things are a little jumbled in my mind, especially since the rest of the world still marks their calendars numerically. If it were up to me, August would be 2013. But then again, if it were up to me, I’d have a pistachio tree growing outside very office I have, and crocs would be banned. (I don’t really care about the latter point.)
People keep asking me why I’m here. Stuck in the middle of nowhere… single… unattached… in a land full of cows and couples married with children…
My answer? I don’t know. I don’t know. My believe this is where I need to be and what can I say but that I am striving to be content with my lot?
People also keep telling me that things are what they are. “It is what it is,” is how the phrase goes. I hate it. While I do not disagree, I find this resignation frustrating. It’s the equivalent of another phrase I hear often: “Just sayin’.” It’s a useless contribution, and I’ve heard it at least 8 times in the past two weeks. A bit excessive for any phrase, wouldn’t you say? Some odd conspiracy to make me rant about something that doesn’t really matter. Fact is, we are all capable of change, decision-making, and outlook adjusting. Above that, I believe we are capable of saying a better word than, “Eh. Get over it.”
With that said, I am struggling to get over this past year. I need something better than “it was what it was.” I’ve already accepted that whatever happened has happened, in whatever glorious or heinous face it wore. Now, I need a friend, a confidant, a shoulder to lean on. I need someone to lace their fingers together, put my foot in it, and boost me up.
To all the other teachers out there who’ve finished, are finished, or will finish… onward! There is evidence that our work is not in vain… as tempting as it is to question it.
So for now, goodbye most-difficult-school-year-so-far and hello summer!
Detritus: The Sloughing Away of My Sanity 